Country of Origin: 
Champion Date: July 9, 2021
Keeper as of: December 13, 2025
From the moment the servers flickered to life, Shrimp has been a permanent, if somewhat unstable, fixture of his guild. A founding member with leadership experience—mostly used to deflect blame—he is the ultimate jack-of-all-trades and master of none, insisting on playing every role in Elder Scrolls Online despite a crippling inability to commit to a single main. He boasts an “amazing parse” that he mentions far more often than anyone actually sees, and his in-game home is a masterclass in interior design that serves as a beautiful, lonely monument to his refusal to engage in meaningful long-term relationships. Whether he’s tanking, healing, or DPS-ing, his most consistent stat is his commitment issues, which ensure he’s always one minor inconvenience away from ghosting the trial group.
When he isn’t wandering Tamriel, Shrimp lives in a state of high-alert neurosis, fueled by an inexplicable affinity for Canadian men and an exhausting suspicion of everything else. He is convinced that Big Tech has a personal vendetta against his browser history, yet he somehow finds the time to nurture a paralyzing, irrational dread of whales and homeless men. It’s a delicate psychological ecosystem: he’s a man who will fearlessly lead a 12-person raid but will physically recoil at the sight of a blowhole or a drifter. Ultimately, Shrimp remains a guild legend—not necessarily for his bravery, but for the sheer complexity of his delusions and his steadfast refusal to just pick a class and stick with it.
