by in
A frigid breeze rolled through Los Santos carrying with it the holiday snow and spirit in full bloom over the city. Even as a regular visitor to San Andreas, My sister Skar, and I have never experienced this winter weather wonder firsthand. What unfolded for us is a tradition we will definitely keep up with in the future, but it’s the midnight mysteries and cryptotic chaos that we accepted as part of the procession.
Almost by magic, decorations were thrown up overnight across all our businesses in the city. A tree in every building and office berated our surroundings, there was no escape. The thick layer of ice blanketed the streets of the city and scape, making visibility and traction close to impossible unless you rode certain vehicles made for the environment. It added a layer of playfulness, as I must admit to throwing one too many snowballs at a few targets.
We often think of a certain member of our group as the master of the mugging game, but what happens when the fear is elevated by something completely different? What in the blue hell am I even talking about? The Gootch, of course! This hairy bastard has been razzling the ranks of all our crew for years, it seems. A warning of bells sounds in the distance, purveying a feeling of unease on your surroundings. All the sudden a blue blindness leaves you ragdolled on the ground as it runs from you with all your snacks and a small portion of your folding cash in its possession. It’s not indestructible though, and a successful dispatch of the blue menace drops a special gift, with your possessions back. Failure to do so will result in your things vanishing in a puff of green smoke.
I witnessed in a rare moment, a gaggle of Geech spreading holiday cheer at Legion Square during the snow days. Upon a Halftrack pulling an Anti-Aircraft trailer, 3 Geech blew off a heavy duty pyrotechnic ordinance against the LSPD attempting to halt the holiday cheer. Supported by Santa Claus himself at one point, the Geech did succeed in their efforts of exciting the Los Santos population.
Although Skar and I have roots in Paleto Bay, we never did a proper Yeti Hunt. We had always heard the tales of the thing, but always brushed it off as fantastic folklore. That is, until my sister went “camping” with a buddy at the foot of Mt.Chilliad just south of Ol’ Pale-Toe. She had told me of strange sounds in the darkness, and bloody traces she swears she didn’t make. So I decided to round up a few willing Punks to help us finally rid the forest of the fearsome frigid fiend.
Looking around, I found five clues in the daytime. Severed body parts, evidence of heinous survival and powerful force littered the ground around us. We had to fight our way through the forces of the park rangers however, it seemed either they had a no bikers rule or they were honestly protecting the snowy predator. Ultimately after dark however, amidst the bad noise and blue-and-red lights, the Yeti emerged in a full charge towards us. Still flanked by park rangers, we unloaded every gun in its direction. Some unfortunates were flung back with a single blow from the abominable snowman’s brute punches. Ultimately, the Yeti would succumb to death via a heavy lead injection. Any pictures taken of the beast came through overeexposed or not at all, so the beast may be more supernatural than previously thought.
For sure, the holidays of 2025 released a lot of what I will consider core memories for my time here in San Andreas, but I think we can all finally breathe a sigh of relief that it is over. We can go back to building up our money in safety. I look forward to the next time it happens, but I’ll be okay if it’s not soon.
This article was written by Sktch D’Klown, a patched member of The Infernal Punks Motorcycle Club by representation of Del Perro. Any complaints, corrections, or general bitching can be sent to Complaintowump@Yahoo.com
